Caitlin's fear.

The novel Dreamland. So much to say but so little time.  I started reading Dreamland about two weeks ago, and I must say the character Caitlin is one awkwardly unique girl. Let me tell you something, she is one of the most bravest person throughout the book, why you may ask. she loved a man, a man that mistreated her and  she never let him go.  her simple life of being the youngest child in her family was rough to come against to her older sister. Yet when Caitlin's sister left and their mother was brought into tears and heartbroken. Caitlin took part into her sisters " perfect" life. Starting with cheer leading and on.
   Caitlin talks about how she met the most ungodly amazing guy at the gas station. But like in life we can know everything perfect comes with flaws. He wasn't much of your typical guy that would say the wrong thing and  just get dumped. he abused Caitlin at the toughest times throughout the book. You can tell how she felt and how her emotions came in. She wasn't just scared but she was just a girl confused and didn't know what to do but love him dearly. I mean how many girls do you know would stay witha  guy that would physically hurt her.
       If I was Rogerson I would have had a little white lie turned into a big deal. If i were him I would think it's just an accident but not after the first time it's out of control and I'd have nothing to worry about but, I'm cluttered and confused and just keep going with it as if it was a dirty secret  that will never be scared. This wasn't something like a rumor at school that everyone would spill the peas about. this was  abusive relationship, and very unhealthy. If Rogerson had his side. It would be as if nothing happened and she would be making it all up. but soon  karma can get you back as I always say. You realize something is being done. I will not say, why? Because the suspension may ruin the ending but If i were Caitlin i would have done something. I would never be treated such pain and love someone the same time. it would seem impossible. 
     If I could change the ending to the novel. It would be the way I pictured it. As I see it, the couple together somewhere far, Caitlin waiting to make a move to run away from her. she would have give him the pain she gave her and she would just run at all might back home packing as if there was no tomorrow.  Writing the heartfelt sorry note to her mother and  next move was to start a new life somewhere far from the troubles where no one would know where to look. And she would get her happy ending.

As life goes on

    I never realized how life goes by so fast and it frightens me sometimes looking back how fast the years of school have gone by. I literally almost out of middle school and onto highschool. Oh lord, I better be prepared but I'm sure i can manage. As i read in books or see in those dramatically teen movies, I notice that they have a tough time through life and how they deal with situations in their high school years, but when I go i am going to make it the best years i can. I am going to put my head held high down the hall ways. because when I am old and looking back at my past I don't want to remember how i spent my time being all depressed and just negative about everything because of some silly mistake or problem.
    I know that i am really excited for high school, but scared at the same time. the feeling is well mixed. but i overall want my future to be successful. May sound a bit crazy to already be talking about my life and future and what will/could happen. I have no idea what direction i want to go in. What i do know is i am 14 years old and My expectation is to have as much fun  i can before i need to " mature"  if that is what they call it. My description of mature is acting very adult like and all about work and no time for fun. Crazy I know. But as my life goes on day by day I will never let it be a plur nor same like every other day. I need to make every day different and unique no matter if i have 5 minutes left in the day. I usually tell myself how life is going to happen in my mind but  is more the opposite.
      Life is very challenging and has it's ways of getting to us but I know as i grow i need to pull myself together. My point of what I am saying is  when I am older i can see myself being everything i wanted to be. And knowing that i can do that gives me all the strength i need right now. I am in the eighth grade and nor should be worrying about  collage or any of those ideas. but i like to think of it. gives me the chills but the good kind. But when i am older I want to make a difference. I am not sure what difference. but I know in the world i want to change something. For others, for places, or anything i can change. I want to know how it feels to help someone the way people help me get back on my feet these days. Today it's hard to find the nicest people to be honest. but  you never notice what's infront of you I guess you could say.
                   In this world I have a lot of choices out there for myself, but as it comes down we all know the timing is off sided.  You either have to pick a very change life situation in like a day, but on the other hand you have the most simple choices that never matter. All I am saying is that the life I have right now is just something still growing and im pretty proud that I can have highs and lows but still make through this year.